Do I really want this alien loofah inside me? Yes. Yes I do.
1. You know what? Yes. I don’t have a boyfriend, and even if I did, Real Women Own Vibrators. It doesn’t mean I “can’t get laid!” It was on Sex and the City, and Casey from my dorm has one, and Casey’s really pretty.
2. I don’t want to go to a creepy sex shop. Should I order one online? But how will I know which one I like?
3. Whoa, there are so many. Do I have to measure my vagina? Nah, it's probably "average" sized.
4. OK… hmm. This one looks cute! But do I want a “cute” one? Nah.
5. I SHOULD NOT HAVE GOOGLED “USING A VIBRATOR.”
6. Can I use it with my roommate in the room? Is that weird? Will it wake her?
7. Should I get one of the ones with all the bells and whistles on it — like the Rabbit — or keep it simple?
8. Nah, I’ll work my way up to the Rabbit. I’m a little overwhelmed and think it looks kinda like a vibrator Glinda the Good Witch would use.
9. Here is a nice, simple, streamlined starter vibrator. Click.
10. OK. Can’t exactly put this on Mom and Dad’s “for emergencies” credit card. So… yup, there goes my own money. Grown Woman. Grown Woman’s Money. IT’S BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE NOW. OK I’ll stop.
Five to seven business days later:
11. Oh, look at it! It’s so cute! It looks like an alien’s loofah! Let’s get some batteries in this thing.
12. Here we go.
13. This isn’t working. Let me watch some YouTube videos demonstrating how to use this.
14. This is working.
15. I am never leaving my house again.
Via Cosmopolitan
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